I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
