if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
