just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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