Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
