Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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