Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
