you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
