fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
