I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
