Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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