he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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