If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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