I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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