i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
