here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
