In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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