Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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