We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
