theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
