So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
