So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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