Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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