I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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