rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
