i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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