You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
