My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
