mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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