You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
