Having a random hookup so left but love u
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
