I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
