just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
