Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
