We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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