wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
