The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
