this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
