How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize
