mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
