My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
