Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
