i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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