just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
