She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
