Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
