You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
