so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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