She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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