Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
