I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
