Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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