someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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