AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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