I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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