This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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